Thursday, November 8, 2007

Have you been too long in Singapore?

This text is not created by me. I hope posting here does not conflict with any property rights, and I must also disclame that this text has nothing to do with me or my oppinion, and is not intended to offend anyone. I removed some items just because nobody would read until the end:) So gals n guyz here u go

(taken from

  1. You know why this list needs the following disclaimer: "This list is intended only as an amusing, light-hearted, and exaggerated look at life in Singapore and is not meant to be taken seriously. There is no intention on the part of the authors of this list to make any untrue, misleading, or defamatory statements concerning any person in particular, nor to make any statement intended to cause offense. If any such offense has been caused, the author apologizes and retracts the offending statement. In any event, the author's NOT WORTH SUING, so don't trouble yourself."
  2. You get used to being called "Ang Moh", "Geyloh", "Bulek", "Mat Saleh", or "Orang Putih".
  3. You think there's nothing wrong with putting chili sauce on everything you eat.
  4. You wait for instructions from people in authority before doing anything. Always.
  5. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a ticket for the next queue
  6. You join queues without knowing or caring what the queue is for.
  7. Your idea of a good night out consists of having dinner at a hawker centre, drinking beer, and then going to another hawker centre and eating again.
  8. You would buy a $20 product you don't need if it's on sale for $10 just to save the money.
  9. You forget to say the last consonant in words like "faCT", "aTE", etc.
  10. Every task you take on and every group you form is incomplete without a mission statement and a cheesy slogan.
  11. "Crossing the country" means taking the MRT to the end of the line.
  12. You think that corn and beans are dessert foods.
  13. You would cross the entire country all day to find the places that make the perfect fried noodles, or roti prata, or ice kacang,or chili crab. And none of these places would be close to each other.
  14. Most or all of these acronyms make sense to you: NUS; NTU; ERP; SDU; PAP; MRT; LKY; GCT; PRC; TIBS; SBS; SMS; JB; JBJ; AMK; AYE; PIE; ECP; CTE; BKE; ISD; ISA; 5 C's; CPF; CHIJMES; SPG; CWO; LTA; URA; MOM; SIR; COE; EP; IRAS; EDB; CBD.
  15. You use too many acronyms when you talk, or you create new ones.
  16. You think that nothing makes a girl or guy more attractive than to dress exactly like hundreds of thousands of other girls and guys who all dress exactly like girls and guys in malls.
  17. You think that $100,000 is a reasonable price for a Toyota Corolla and $1,000,000 is a bloody cheap for a bungalow, but $5 for a plate of fried noodles is a barbarous outrage.
  18. You believe that not being able to get decent roti prata outside Singapore is enough to keep the best and the brightest people from leaving.
  19. You see nothing wrong with forming committees of select elite people to deliberate and study ways to stimulate creativity and spontaneity.
  20. You justify every argument with the phrase "in order for us to be competitive in the 21st century".
  21. You think everything should be "topped up".
  22. You have a naive belief that the war against ants will somehow be won.
  23. You don't think any dish of Western food is complete without baked beans.
  24. You see nothing unusual about an organization of trade unions spending more time owning and operating supermarkets, drugstores,amusement parks, nightclubs, and financial services outlets than planning the next strike.
  25. You wear winter clothes indoors and summer clothes outdoors.
  26. Durian and belachan no longer stink to you.
  27. In a country where people use smart cards for public transit, you have no problem with construction workers riding in the open backs of pickup trucks.
  28. You think paying $50 for a bottle of booze that costs $15 at home is a bargain.
  29. You're not confused by a street naming system that locates streets like Clementi Road, Clementi Street, Clementi Crescent,Clementi Lane, Clementi Drive, Clementi Way, and Clementi Avenues 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 all within Walking distance of each other.
  30. You think that skinny girls and guys are the most attractive of all. (How did they get so skinny in the first place?? Do you know how much oil is in nasi lemak, char kuay teow, duck rice, and your average curry.)
  31. When you cross the border into Malaysia, you automatically and deeply fear for your life and your wallet. [this happens when crosing into Singapore. Deeply]
  32. You think that no vegetable should ever be eaten raw for any reason. Except for cucumbers. [and not even those necessarily]
  33. No matter what you're doing at the moment, you'd rather be shopping.
  34. You don't have a problem with four different direct payment systems spread out over seven different cards in your wallet, and none of them will work overseas. [and nothing from overseas works here]
  35. You forgot what chewing gum tastes like.
  36. You're not bothered by the fact that government cares whether you know how to use a toilet or urinal correctly. (People squatting on toilet bowls?)
  37. You think chicken floss, corn, mayonnaise, and tandoori spices are proper pizza toppings.
  38. You've become a fan of either Arsenal, Man. U., or Liverpool when you barely knew what soccer was before you came to Singapore. And you don't care that none of these teams are Singaporean!
  39. You think a bus is incomplete without a TV.
  40. You accept that expressways here are cleaner than toilets rather than the other way around.
  41. Walking in a straight line to avoid people in the street becomes increasingly difficult, and you don't care if you do walk into them.
  42. You watch Tamil soap operas on Central, even though you can't understand a word they're saying, because despite the fact there are 30 channels available to you, there is nothing else worth watching.
  43. You add lah to the end of every sentence.
  44. You think by crossing the bridge to Johore Bahru your are traveling overseas and you will get a lot international experience
  45. You think a 163 meters hill actually is a respectable mountain.
  46. If you want a taxi, go and stand 20 feet up the road from someone who's been waiting for 10 minutes. Ignore filthy looks from that person.
  47. Walking distance is 10 meters [anything above they say not here lah]
  48. You know how much your friends are paying for rent, how much their car costs, what the make of their watch is and how much it cost.
  49. You spend the day shopping and every shop assistant you come across is rude to you - and this does not give you a complex.
  50. In bars, you consider it perfectly normal to wait 15 minutes for your change after ordering a drink. You spend S$200/night on alcohol alone without batting an eyelash.
  51. You don't get annoyed when you're not given a napkin with your chili pepper crab or you now carry around little packs of nose tissue when you go out for lunch.
  52. You serve warm water to guests even if their sweating profusely.
  53. You've stopped waiting for people to exit an elevator, the train, etc. before pushing your way in
  54. You know exactly where to stand when you wait for the MRT train so that when the train comes, the door will open right in front of you.
  55. You need a trial period to keep left on the escalators.
  56. You actually start understanding what people on the other end of the line are saying & you stop saying 'excuse me' & prefer 'wha lah ?'
  57. You stop explaining nicely to taxi drivers etc that in your home country people actually work. You just snap their heads off and tell them to get a life! [15h per day, 6.5 days per week. anything less is too much fun!]
  58. The taxi driver asks you for the way, even if you have just arrived at the airport.
  59. You honestly believe cars do not come fitted with indicators.
  60. You see red traffic lights as an opportunity to pick your nose.
  61. You put your bag on a table before going up to order.
  62. You've realised sentences just don't end in lah but whaaat and may.
  63. If It's going to be delivered at 4, you know you'll still be waiting at 6.
  64. We in the West have no clue as to what carrot cake is. [actually, it is radish fried with egg]
  65. After arriving into Singapore off a 14 hour flight your first thoughts are of mee rebus and bee hoon.
  66. When someone asks you to do something, you answer with "Can, Can"
  67. You nap on your desk at lunch. [and on table/keybords at other times]
  68. You use an umbrella in the sun. [uv-proof]
  69. You know what they do with all that whitening cream.
  70. You forget how to speak "GOOD ENGLISH"
  71. You hate shopping, all the shop assistants show you in size is XL when in fact back home you are S or M.
  72. You learn how to squat and not WET your SHOES
  73. You know all the holes in Bintan and all the whores in Batam.
  74. You leave your chinese collegues' wedding dinner immediately after you've finished dessert even though some people still haven't started dessert.
  75. you think it's perfectly acceptable for men to drink alcopops.
  76. You think nothing is wrong when the staff at the Cold Storage put each article you bought in a seperate plastic bag. [if you buy two apples, they go in separate bags as well. please no no I don't need bag is not convincing]
  77. You think the long fingernail on the little finger is not only the most useful hygiene implement, but it is also a fashion statement. [and with all long, you'll be the most beautiful bus/taxi driver in the district]
  78. You eat AROUND the cockroach in your curry just because it is from your favorite hawker stall.
  79. You no longer say excuse me when you bump into someone.
  80. You enjoy cold milk tea with bubbles. You know what bubbles and pearls are.
  81. You have forgotten what coffee with real milk tastes like, or worse, condensed milk or powder whitener are preferred.
  82. Paying $8.90 for a pint of strawberries is cheap!
  83. Paying $10 for your favorite cereal is normal. Hitting a sale when it only costs $9.85 is your lucky day! [or, you go for noodles for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack]
  84. You no longer ask for directions, because you know that people will nod and point even though they have not understood what you have asked.
  85. You know that if you must ask for directions to keep the key information required in the first 3-4 words. Second halves of sentences are not heard.
  86. If there is more than one assistant in a shop, it pays to ask all of them the same question. The first may tell you that it is not stocked, the second or third will take you to where it is on the shelf - often in front of where the one who told you it is not stocked is standing.
  87. You know that if you are at a Food Court or Hawkers Stall and you have requested no sauce on your meal, you must hover vigilently so that you can stop them in time as they go to put the sauce on anyway. [same with sugar]
  88. Even as a shop assistant is nodding their head in response to what you have said, you are already formulating a simplified/Singlish version of what you have just said, because you know that the nodding means nothing and that it would be a miracle to be understood first time out. If you really want something until you see the light go on in their eyes. No light, noo outcome.
  89. When talking about equipment you say "off it" or "on it", instead of "turn it off" or "turn it on".
  90. When walking along the steet and a man puts the finger along his nose and snots on the path in front of you, rather than register disgust and nausea, you instead just make a mental note just to walk around it.
  91. You know your passport number by heart
  92. You understand everything on this list!!

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